Sunday, December 11, 2011

i even googled to find a "open her eyes" prayer

But I've been having to make my own up.
Adeline's eyes have swollen completely shut again.
And she's miserable.
We spent the night cuddling in the hospital bed. She reminded me of our cat Pete. She would become uncomfortable and then wiggle and maneuver her body around until she found the perfect spot to rest her heavy head. Sometimes it was my shoulder, sometimes my stomach and sometimes even my face.
She itched her head and ears so hard all night I thought she would be full of scratches this morning. I gently rubbed her prickly swollen head over and over. Just barely touching so that my hand would just graze the stitches as it passed. She really liked that.  Her hair is already showing. And the swelling has gone down enough on the top to begin to show her familiar bumps and divots, and to reveal some of the new ones created on Thursday. Dr Puccioni is right - she does need hair!
I was discouraged by the nurse's reaction to the swelling. I know she didn't mean for her disappointment to be so obvious, but when she turned on the light and attempted to do a neurological eye assessment her face said it all. Adeline's eyelashes were buried in her eyelids again. I fought back tears.  Adeline cried and cried during her 6 am vitals (as always) but the tears could barely leak through.  Her nose has started to run. 
The nurse helped me sit up in the chair and she fell asleep in my arms again.
I waited for the nurse to leave and then allowed my tears to fall.  Poor baby girl.  We ALL want this to be over. 
We all just want to go home.

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