Sunday, March 13, 2011
Adeline has been working hard at making mommy and daddy very nervous!!! She is pulling herself up to EVERYTHING...the furniture, our legs, walls, doors. She is fearless!
It seems she is doing something or saying something new everyday. Today she said "Oh-Oh" when she dropped her toy at church for the 160th time. I just couldn't get upset with her then!
And she says "Ma Ma", but only when she wants to!
She started eating tiny bits of banana. And shovels down Gerber "puffy treats" (as Nile calls them) like she will never eat again. I really don't think her thighs could get any bigger! It's a good thing that she is so active - I don't know how much longer her pants will fit around those thighs!
She had a bad ear infection and cough last week. The doctor put her on a (very strong dose of!) antibiotic and an abuterol nebulizer. She said that she has "Baby Asthma". Something that she will most likely grow out of...and something pretty common and easy to control. I have to admit she looks pretty helpless with the little mask on her face...until she gets tire of sitting - and yells and cries and pulls it off.
She is one tough little girl!
It is so much fun to watch Nile and Adeline play together. And it's nice that they can keep each other entertained. I'm sure the fighting and tattle-telling will start soon, but I'll enjoy this while it lasts.
About a month ago I read about a 16 month old boy that was dying of an illness that his brother had passed away from at 18 months. It was the first time that I had been exposed to a child and family with an illness since Adeline's surgery. And it hit me like a semi-truck. I was an open wound. I bawled and bawled - WHAT IS GOD THINKING?!?! There are so many more horrible, unimaginable things that my family and I could go through. And I don't want to!!! And I don't want anyone else to have to go through them either!!!
But through reading the mother's on-line journal, I am realizing that (if you ask for it, and are open to it) God does give you what you need to keep coping and living and loving. Sometimes you are so numb and traumatized by what you are going through that you aren't able to function, but God will provide people to embrace you and carry you through. Or He will carry you Himself. If you let Him, he will give you just what you need to get through that moment, or hour, or day.
And I don't know what I will need to ask for...I don't know what He has planned. And I still don't want to know. But I also don't have to live in fear.
It is my duty as a mommy to enjoy every day with my beautiful, amazing children. It's not fair to them for me to be scared of the unknown. I surely don't want them to live in fear.
But I will have to ask God to grant me the courage to let go. And I may have to continue to ask Him every day...or every hour...or every moment.