I should be exhausted. Well, I am - but I'm also wide awake.
Our appointment with Dr. Puccioni went well today. He explained everything again, and this time my mind was clear enough to listen and understand. Like Nile said, her head is an oval and they are going to make it a circle. He restated the risks. The funny thing about that is that I am always nervous about explaining risks of procedures to patients. I guess I don't like to deliver bad news. But when Dr. Puccioni tells me what could happen during the cranial vault remodeling, for some reason, it makes me more confident. I know it needs to be done. I know what they will be doing. I know the worst that could happen, I know it rarely happens, and if it does, he and Dr. Miller know how to fix the problem. And God will take care of it all. Dr. Puccioni actually told us how he removes the skull from the brain in parts (he even gave us a visual with hand gestures), sets in on a table on the side, and Dr. Miller shaves and cuts those parts to reshape the skull. He puts it all back together - with dissolvable plates and rivets - so it will accommodate the brain's growth. He said you can actually hear the pressure release after he removes the fused sagittal suture. The brain relaxes and expands into a normal shape. And Adeline's head will be a circle. Nile will be pleased. There is a chance that she will have to return for another, less invasive surgery to repair the frontal bossing and the sides of the skull if they do not reshape themselves correctly, but we will get through this first.
So I really didn't want Adeline to fall asleep quickly tonight. And it's okay if she wakes up. Maybe she wants me to hold her all night. And kiss her head.
I know her hair will grow back quickly (and they will give me the hair after they shave it). I know that when she is old enough to notice the scar that spans her head she will have no idea where it came from until I explain it to her and show her pictures. (I wonder if she will thank me.) I know that some day this will seem like no big deal. And I am grateful that this is a condition that can be corrected. I am very excited to watch a more comfortable, headache free, developmentally normal Adeline grow up.
But tonight, for just a little while longer, I want to hold onto the beautiful, sweet, oval-headed baby that I have worried about for the past 6 months.